Fear

I am a man of fear.
Its not about the fear of dark, cockroaches or height, but the fear of love.
I am afraid of be loved, loving people and loving myself.


A friend told me, a typical singleton has two stereotype:
one is very talkative and one is very quiet.
The chatty ones cannot stand of staying in the house alone,
so they go for friends or anywhere they can find people to talk.
The silent ones stay in the house oppositely and, "I am the later", she said.

I think every single child is lonely, no matter what types he/she is.
The former ones are reasonably sociable,
but I presume a certain amount of them are even more lonely when alone.
just like the ad below:


And the speechless ones have their way to stay and be pleased with themselves,
while they feel real lonely in crowd. A song sung by 阿桑 describes such feeling:

孤單 是一個人的狂歡
狂歡 是一群人的孤單

We will still have good friends and sweet relationship(s).
For me, I am just somehow fear of stepping out.

The situation doesn't get better by my age, contrarily it gets worse after some failures.
And this leads to a "hang back", either among relationships or friendships.
Along with my existing disability of self confidence, I become a man of fear.

I'm afraid of making a move on my tasks..
I'm afraid of receiving cares from people...
I'm afraid of showing my concerns about friends...
and I'm afraid of being afraid of things...

If I say that the situation above is actually much better than last year,
would it be a bit comforting? or it makes you worry more about what I was before?
I appreciate those who supported and believed in me, for you gave me strength;
and I am also grateful to those who left and abandoned me, for you clarified my vision.


I think I just need more courage from myself.

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