Is it worthy?

You'll never know who's gonna be a real friend till the end.

I've been spending my time and mind on helping new coming students for the past one year. I gave instructions, suggestions, comforts, and labour to help whom ever I met. Although not actively, as long as I've got a chance to know a new student, I'll do it. It was just simply a thought of passing on my experiences to help those who just stepped on the unfamiliar land.

I have kept telling myself don't expect too much from doing this, just treat them commonly. But there were always people whom you find you get along with quite well. And you feel like to make real friends with them, to take care of them, and do it actively. It won't take too long until you find out that you are actually sticking your face on their cold butts. Normally after a couple of weeks, or the semester begins.

To convince myself, I always say that they were busy with their studies and new freinds and whatever... But deeply inside my mind, I know eagerly I was looking forward to receiving feedbacks from them. Its unhealthy to offer helps with a want of feedbacks, nonetheless its also easy to stop myself from thinking like that. But the most difficult part is when you find you're totally ignored.

You get hurt certainly; and questions to yourself are asked: "WTF am I doing this for?", "Is it really worthy to be so generous, considerate and attentive to someone who just passed by your life?" Somehow I would then comfort myself that: at least I am just forgotten, not borne grudges. However this time, I've got a feeling that I became the one who was pointed by people from my back. How ironical ?

Fortunately, I've done my work successfully, and will be leaving those people. No more "helping new coming students", and no more hurts from that. It was good for me to learn how to "let go" in these two years. I'll keep playing the so-called "stupid nice guy" to give out my heart though. I can be sad, but I don't have to change myself for those people.

---